


At Least We Existed At All

by NeverlandHeart



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-11-04 02:54:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17890151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeverlandHeart/pseuds/NeverlandHeart
Summary: Julia Wicker is afraid of a lot of things, but lately there’s been something weighing on her, something scarier. Julia is stubborn, extremely stubborn. She can be brave too.





	At Least We Existed At All

Julia watches as Quentin speaks to the monster, knowing that Eliot is still alive in there had sparked more hope in her best friend then she’d ever seen. It was scary, almost being killed by Iris. Was scary to watch her die instead.

And heartbreaking that Shoshanna, who barely knew her for a week, who only wanted to help, died in her place. It’s just another piece of guilt that Julia can add to her shattered mirror of a conscience.

Everything that had happened was scary, but there’s one thing that haunts her more than anything else.

_You’re going to have to watch your friends die._

It might be comforting to some people, to know how long you have left. But Julia has forever.

She has forever, because she’s immortal.

And that word scares the shit out of her.

She’s going to have to watch, one by one, as her friends die. Or maybe they’ll die all together. Maybe they’ll die young, or they’ll get lucky and die old. She doesn’t know anything except for the fact that they _are_ going to die. And unless another God has some grudge against her, she’s going to outlive them all. She’s going to outlive Quentin.

She’s going to outlive _Kady_.

Her eyes flick to said girl, sitting on the staircase, rubbing the puppy she had mysteriously acquired. She doesn’t know what they are anymore. They went from enemies, to best friends, and then to Kady hating her for letting Reynard live. And now. Now they’re in a weird in between place. She knows she’s in love with Kady, doesn’t ever have to question that. But she also knows that they don’t have a chance. Not just because Kady doesn’t feel the same, but because Julia is too afraid to love her, to be with her, and have to live without her when she dies.

She feels Quentin sit down next to her. “Hey,” He nudges her shoulder and she smiles the tiniest bit. “You okay?”

Julia can’t lie. Not to him. “No. Someone is dead because of me. And, well, finding out you’re essentially a vampire without the blood drinking and not being able to set foot outside during the day, isn’t exactly the best news.”

Quentin sighs, and she can feel his eyes on her, but she doesn’t take her gaze off Kady. “Maybe there’s-“

She interrupts him as fast as she can. “There isn’t.” She can’t let herself hope.

“Maybe OLU can, I don’t know, give you a human life span.”

Julia scoffs at that. “I don’t think Gods can really grasp the concept of not wanting to live forever,” Her voice takes on a slightly bitter tone. “Especially not her.”

“You should tell her, you know.”

“Quentin, Pers-“

“Not her. Kady.”

At that, her eyes flick to meet his. “What?”

Quentin gives her a slightly understanding, slightly sad smile. “You know how long you have left. But who knows how long she does? If you love someone,” His gaze moves to Eliot, to the monster, before moving back to her. “You should tell them. Because you never know. And even if they turn you down,” He swallows, and there’s something in his eyes she can’t read. “Even if they turn you down, that pain is never going to hurt as bad as never telling them.”

Julia blinks at Quentin. “When did you get so wise?”

Quentin laughs slightly and shakes his head. “After almost four years of being a complete dumbass, you have to wise up eventually, right?” He looks at her and grins. “Besides, my best friend is kind of a genius.”

Julia snorts at that. “No, your best friend is just stubborn.”

He shrugs and meets her gaze again and the sincerity she she sees has her fighting back tears. “So then be stubborn, Jules. Be really fucking stubborn. But be brave, too.”

“It’s scary.”

Quentin looks back at the monster again. “Yeah. But I don’t think it’s real love if it isn’t a little bit scary.” He stands up and kisses her temple. “Take a leap, Jules.”

He walks back over and begins to talk to the monster, and Julia looks back to the staircase where Kady is no longer sitting. She stands, slightly worried that she’s left the apartment, but Penny 23, with a look of both sadness and acceptance, mouths that she’s upstairs. She gives him a grateful smile and quickly walks up the staircase, towards the door to Kady’s room.

Carefully, she knocks. A few seconds go by, and she almost leaves, but then she hears, “Come in.” And she takes in a breath as she opens the door. Kady is sitting cross legged on the king sized bed, the puppy in her lap. “Oh. Hi.”

Julia shuts the door behind her, but doesn’t move to walk any closer. “Can we talk?”

Kady eyes her warily for a few moments before nodding. “Okay, talk.”

Well, that’s a fuck ton of pressure on her right away. “So, I’m immortal.”

Kady’s eyebrows lift at that. “Okay?”

Julia swallows and plays with the rings on her fingers. Take a leap. Lifting her head, she meets Kady’s gaze again. “I’m immortal and that scares the fuck out of me. I can deal with being alone, but I can’t deal with the people around me dying, the people that mean the world to me. And you’re one of them.” Kady opens her mouth to reply but Julia shakes her head. “Let me talk, please. If I don’t say it now I never will.” When Kady nods, she continues. “You mean the world to me Kady. You were there when no one else was, you helped me in ways that I’ll never be able to thank you for, and I know you hate me. I know I fucked up, but I can’t leave things unsaid anymore, no one can. I love you, Kady. And that scares me too, because I’m going to outlive you, and everyone else that means anything to me, and with our lives, love is fucking dangerous, but I don’t care. I don’t care. Because maybe the two us, won’t be for long, but at least we would have been at all. I want to take a leap. I want-I want..” She trails off, voice breaking.

“What do you want, Julia?” It’s a whisper, and there’s a hint of hope. “What do you want?”

Julia moves across the room and sits on her knees on the corner of the bed. “I want to be brave.” Shakily, she reaches up to cup Kady’s cheeks. “I want to take a leap, and pray that when I fall, I’ll still be brave enough to jump again.”

Their faces are inches from each other, and Julia can feel Kady exhale. “I’ll catch you, for as long as you need, I’ll catch you.” And like waves crashing, they both surge forward, lips connecting as they breathe each other in.

Julia can be afraid, but she can also be brave. And even if together they don’t have long, at least they have now.

And in the future, Julia thinks, when she’s alone, that will be enough to keep her brave. And she’ll be brave enough to keep going.

One day, the sun is going to burn out. Just like the them.

But, like the sun, at least they burned at all.


End file.
